hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize