yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize