Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
