i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
