Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
