Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
