and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
