The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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