smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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