btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
