i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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