I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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