My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
