A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
