Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
