Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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