I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
