Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
