Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
