I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
