Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
