this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
