Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
