Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
