Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
