just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
