Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
