Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
