ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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