I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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