dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
