the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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