How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
