PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
