I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
