I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
