On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
