Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
