Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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