Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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