p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
