I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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