He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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