Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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