her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
