I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
