So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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