I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I want to make a zoo with you.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
