My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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