What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
