I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Randomize
