I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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