I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
