Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It's rum buckets o'clock
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
