Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You are the jesus of drinking
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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