Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
