I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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