So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
