just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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