You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
