i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
