Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
