Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
