Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Randomize
