He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
