Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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