I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
