Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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