When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
and you fell through a lawn chair
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
