he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
