Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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