dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
