you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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