Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
